In this strange new season, God is teaching me how to live like nobody’s watching— because nobody is. I want to share a testimony with you guys that God helped me realize as I was walking the other day. A year ago I thought I would go crazy if I lived alone. But now, quarantined with just my pup, I’m content. I’m not particularly loving the solitude but I’m comfortable in it. As I was walking my dog through the neighborhood, I started thinking about why it’s been easier than I thought it would be. God responded that I am getting to be strengthened and refreshed with the fruit from the seeds I planted and grew over the past few years.
Just a couple years ago, I was a hopeless people-pleaser. Ninety-eight percent extroverted and a pretty average enneagram two, I had no idea who I was apart from relationship with people. I lived by the approval of man, was captured by the fear of man, and died by the rejection of man. I was delicate and suffering. In first year time when I started the internship at Wesley, I knew I wanted to change. I wanted to grow into someone who was confident and free. The grace of God has brought me into more than I thought capable for myself. And now, alone in my house, I can live like nobody’s watching.
For the past week, I wake up in the morning after a really bad night of sleep because anxiety still gets the best of me sometimes. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and fill up my big cup with water. My dog and I walk to get some fresh air while I eat an easy breakfast then I work out in my living room. I set a timer and clean my house for fifteen minutes followed by time with God for as long as I want. I get work done, call friends, catch up with family, or do a fun activity to fill the day. I take my time during lunch and dinner to just breathe. After dinner, I usually put on a movie with friends in their respective homes and we text our thoughts on it. Then I shower and try to get sleep again. It’s not anything glamorous, but it’s been really sweet. I’m not in a hurry and I have no particular agenda. I just live. There’s no one to enjoy my clean house, no one to make me feel insecure with a passing comment, no one to reject an idea I have for the day. I have an identity and a purpose that goes beyond my relationships with others.
Throughout the internship I’ve become more aware that life began the moment I received salvation and goes for all eternity. Regardless of where I go or what I do, I have the opportunity to live with God. As a child of God, I can forget my craving for man’s affection and feast in the love of the Father. As a child of God, I can spend every day intentionally rather than waste it away until I can be reunited with other people.
Things I was expecting and hoping for got taken away. I find time to be sad and let those go. But I don’t want to dwell so heavily on what the enemy has stolen that I ignore what God is giving— even that I ignore God is with me. Thankfulness helps me abide in God’s love. I’ve found a nugget of truth that sustains my peace in this abrupt life transition. Were things to resume as normal tomorrow and I was given a billion dollars, I would still depend on God for life. And were things to come crashing apart even more than they already have, I would still depend on God for life. So I’m choosing to let God be my source of life over my old routine, spending time with people, or going into work. John 14:6 Jesus says He is the life. That truth revives me each morning and carries me through each day. I hope it does the same for you now.
Author | Savannah Ugan | March 24, 2020